Things Happen For a Reason- I Just Don't Know What They Are.
I think we’ve all had moments where something happens in our life and we ask, “Why couldn’t that have happened to me?” or “Why did that happen to me?” As humans, we’re obsessed with finding out the “whys” behind things. It helps us understand the vast universe we live in and cope with the sheer uncertainty of it all. For some, the answer is fate. For others, it’s the spiritual law of cause and effect known as karma. Some just think that things happen absolutely at random without any metaphysical influence. We think that questions will lead to answers, but they usually end up leading to more questions instead.
I’m writing about this topic because I've thinking about it a lot lately (I even went through a free will versus determinism rabbit hole.) Three ideas that have helped me cope with the outcomes of life are these:
) We’re living in the best of all possible worlds. It sounds absurd at first because there are lots of things that I’m sure we wish we could change. But just consider that maybe if everything happened the way you wanted it to then other areas would be lacking instead. Maybe your greater good (or the greater good if you want to think less egocentrically) means that you have to suffer a little bit now for the best overall outcome. Although wishful, it’s a thought that can reinstate some trust in the process of life.
) It was for the best, so Nature had no choice but to do it. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, 4.9. Sometimes the best thing we can do is to concede that things happen because that’s just the order of life. We don’t have a say in it and it’s determined by things other than ourselves. All we can do (or the only thing definitely in our control) is to accept that what’s done is done and we must move on with the outcome.
) The parable of the Chinese farmer. Listen to the short parable by clicking on the link in the "Additional Resources” section below. What this parable is meant to remind us of is that events are neither good or bad on their own, they just are. This one definitely adopts a much more neutral approach and even goes as far as to treat good occurrences on the same level of misfortunes. It’s actually funny how such an extreme way of looking at the world can simultaneously be the most equanimious one too. Another lesson that can be gleaned from this story is that events don’t exist in a vacuum, so it’s rarely of use to look at something in isolation. Observe more broadly instead.
I’m not going to pretend that the “everything happens completely randomly” argument doesn’t exist, but it’s not a philosophy that I choose to live by. While I don’t believe that something dictates our every actions, I have to believe that there is a natural order to things and that what happens is necessary at some capacity.
To conclude, the existentialist philosopher Søren Kierkegaard said we must take a leap of faith. He said this in the context of the meaning (or meaninglessness) of life, but I think it applies just as much here. Things happen and we don’t always know why. We have to trust that they happened to make us grow stronger, to help someone else who needed it more than us, or for a greater good that we do not yet comprehend.
So, do things happen for a reason? I don’t know, but I have to accept them in a way that keeps my peace. At the very least, every occurrence can be used to emerge more mature, as long as you ask yourself, “What is this trying to teach me?”
Life is lived forwards but only understood backwards.
Additional Resources
This podcast does a far better job than me at explaining “the best of all possible worlds” argument.
The parable of the Chinese farmer narrated by Alan Watts.
Watch this video on free will and determinism if you’re ready to face an existential crisis.
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